2 Corinthians 12 : Reflecting on Grace

"And because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to buffet me--to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I entreated the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And he has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefor, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefor I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."

-2 Corinthians 12: 7-10

Since being back to California, I have attempted to write a couple blog posts. Only able to complete just a paragraph or two, they never officially made their way to my small Facebook audience and blog followers. Trying to conjur up the right words to say that would fully express my feelings, emotions, and thoughts was challenging. But, praise Jesus I didn't post every step of the last 5 months. There have been times where I have felt like a complete mess, other times where I could not contain my excitement, joy, and praise for my Maker. In the past 5 months, I have been clinging to my Jesus who sits sovereignly on His Throne of Grace.

The Sunday after I got back from UG and TZ, I attempted to write a blog called Sufficient Grace, ironically, my words felt insufficient. That morning I went to the early service at Shoreline Calvary Chapel in Morro Bay (the church that I went to Kenya with in 2008). The Lord spoke to me in the sermon about the months to come, based upon 2 Corinthians 12 concerning Paul's vision and his thorn. I knew that the Lord was speaking to me about what He was going to do in me, all while I was away from my love, away from the kids, away from Moshi, finishing up my last semester of college, taking 23 units, doing student teaching, and attempting to begin planning a wedding. It was during this sermon that God was truly equipping me for the challenges ahead. And what a challenge it has been....

I cannot even count the amount of times I cried out of frustration, self pity, exhaustion, and insecurity, but glory to God, also out of simple praise for His amazing grace. God has done true MIRACLES! Let me share and encourage you with just a few: (Don't get me wrong, I wasn't crying all the time, just a few times a week. There was definitely a lot of joy and laughter as well. Praise Jesus for the support of Brandon, friends, family, and church members who encouraged me along the way. Ok, back to the sharing...)

23 Units

Coming back from TZ, I realized that all my classes had been dropped because of problems with my financial aid. Not only was I going to have to try and re-register for the classes that had been dropped, but I was needing to register for extra classes so that I could graduate this Fall 2010 semester. I was expecting craziness because of all that was required in meeting with all the professors, deans, and head of the departments to get extra unit approvals, signatures for crashing ALL my classes, and for petitions to be approved. And what happened? God's grace was SO sufficient and the issue with my classes was really a non-issue. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in your weakness."

Student Teaching

God placed me at the exact student teaching location that was meant for me. He placed me in the exact classroom that I was in, with the supervising teachers that challenged and encouraged me, and the group of students that I needed to be with for specific reasons. God is sovereign ALL the time. He decides what happens and it is all for His glory and for the good of those who love Him. I was blessed so much by the whole process of teaching those amazing preschoolers, and by being in a program that agree's with my teaching philosophies and beliefs. The Lord is mighty and I absolutely loved my time in the classroom.

6:30 Mornings

I'm not really a morning person. I enjoy mornings, but I also enjoy sleeping. Had I just had student teaching two days a week, waking up early might not have been such a big deal. I would have been able to catch up on sleep on the other mornings in the week. But, there's this thing called a time difference. Brandon is in TZ which is 11 hours ahead of California. Some mornings, it was tough getting up for 6:30am skype dates. There were definitely a handful of times that I slept through my alarm, making me 15 minutes late to talk. But, I praise God for these early mornings. During the tough mornings, I would remind myself that marriage is about putting the other person before oneself and that I am honoring the Lord by honoring Brandon. I have loved my times of skyping with Brandon. Even if we are only able to skype for 30 minutes, we still make the effort to at least pray together as his day comes to a close and mine begins. But I have to admit, I will much more enjoy being together with Brandon when he comes on January 11th, without the restriction of the computer or time difference.

Awadhi

Something that the Lord is teaching me more and more is how to trust Him with others. In relationships, I have to trust that the Lord is much better at them than I will ever be. I am learning that God will always be a better partner, Lover, and friend to Brandon than I could ever be. Does that mean that I stop making an effort or somehow feel defeated? Absolutely not. It means that I trust that in all areas, but especially the areas where I am weak, that He will be more than sufficient for Brandon. I continue to trust that the Lord will guide me and teach me in being a good friend, fiance, and wife. The same applies to Awadhi. How does a 22 year old young woman be a mother to a Tanzanian orphan who is half a world away? How do I be a mother when being a mother pretty much always means being present? And not just to Awadhi, but to the other Treasures as well?

In these 5 months, Awadhi had a really serious case of malaria. He had a urinary tract infection, a seizure caused by the dangerous combination of malaria and a compromised immune system from the HIV, a lack of appetite causing him to lose weight and become even thinner, and had to be hospitalized. What is a girl like me supposed to do? I don't think I have ever prayed for someone the way that I did for Awadhi during that week. Daily I laid prostrate on my living room floor, pleading with the Lord to heal our precious boy. I sent out Facebook statuses asking people to pray and sent emails to those on my contact list. I fasted, I prayed, and Glory to God, He heard our prayers and brought health back to Awadhi. How do I be a mama to this boy living in TZ? I pray. I trust the Lord to be a better parent than I could ever be. To be a better provider, comforter, and loving leader.

I'm not yet a wife or a mom. But the Lord is preparing me to be. I trust that He will make me the wife and mom that I have always desired to be and that He has called me to be. His grace is sufficient and all that I need.

College Graduate

I freaked out way too much this semester. I have freaked out way too much over the last 4 1/2 years. Why? Because I am a sinner and I try to do things on my own..... It's so lame. You would think that after 4 1/2 years of college I would have this whole trust thing down, right? But praise Jesus, He is not done with me yet. His grace is more than enough and I am now a college graduate. GLORY!! It's all for His glory!

The examples could go on and on. The fact that Brandon arrives in 2 WEEEEEEEKKKKKS(!!!!) is a miracle in itself. I remember when he took me to the airport back in August, I thought, "Lord, this is going to be a long 5 months. I rely upon You. You will get me through." The plane took off and I had a window seat. I remember flying over Mt. Kilimanjaro and I cried. I cried, but I praised God that I was returning. In two weeks from today, Brandon will be in CA. We get married in 158 days. In those 158 days, we will need God's grace in great ways. In 159 days and the days that follow, we will need God's grace in even greater ways. Why? From the moment that two people who have been called by the Lord for His amazing purposes commit to one another and say "I do", the attack from our advisory will become greater. He has already been attacking us in similar, individual ways. But the Holy Spirit is on our side. He is speaks to us and reveals things to us. He is our guider and counselor. We trust our Lord. We rely upon Him and know that His grace is SUFFICIENT! When we are weak, He is strong. His power is perfected in our weakness.

The blog is back and I hope to be able to encourage you over the coming weeks and months. I would love for you to keep up with us as we embark on our adventures in CA (planning the wedding, speaking at churches, fundraising, and doing pre-marital), WI (spending time with the Stiver family for the month of March), our wedding day (June 4th), and then at the end of June returning to Moshi to continue in the ministry that the Lord has called Brandon and I to (being missionaries and parents to the children at Treasures of Africa Children's Home).

Be blessed!!